WHY?

 If you are around children maybe you notice they often ask, "why"? .  Their curious and developing brains want to learn, they want to know, they want to understand.  I'm not sure if I was curious as a child.  I do remember being shy and reserved until I wasn't.  I think I was afraid to question authority, afraid to ask questions, and to be laughed at for asking a "stupid question" even though all the teachers preached, "there's no such thing as a stupid question".  I also remember when I began learning things on my own, reading books, and internally asking, "why"?.  If I recall correctly it was in later in high school that I finally asked these questions externally.   I wanted to become a virologist at that time and as a result I was studying and learning all things about biology, viruses, and the like.  It was becoming a passion until I took a biology class in high school.  The teacher obviously was not specialized in biology, often mispronouncing words that a teacher would know, getting flustered easily, her body language was not confident when she spoke.  My intuition knew something was amiss, red flags were raised.  I began asking questions.  I began asking questions that I knew the answers from my reading and researching.  She didn't know.  She couldn't explain certain things and I ended up frustrated.  This turned me off to virology.      After this experience I began to distrust authority figures because it became obvious to me that they didn't know everything, or they didn't know what they were supposed to know.  Feeling like I hit a wall or a peak in my learning about viruses I soon discovered the same passion for psychology.  Why did people behave certain ways, why did people do certain things, even more specifically, why did bad people do bad things?  To this day, psychology makes me giddy. 

I learned that my passion for wanting to know why viruses were the way they were transformed into my passion for wanting to understand people.  This curiosity continued and continues to this day.  I went on to earn my Bachelor's Degree in Criminal Justice with a concentration on Forensic Psychology and then I earned my Master's Degree in the same subject matter.  I worked as a social worker, detention officer, and such...always asking, "Why"? .  I had a unique position as a social worker, I had an intake case load as well as an ongoing case load and I handled all of the adult protective cases.  I had amazing professors in college and learned so much.  Unfortunately, I thought that what I was taught was applicable in the real world.  My first brush with authority in a professional setting made a lasting impact that still haunts me to this day.  Even more so as I learn and discover the inter-working of human trafficking and the people in high places involved.  My "Why" moments grew and I began to find a voice, a very shaky voice, but a voice.   

Why did the administration pull me aside and have a closed door meeting with me to discuss a  case I was working on regarding sexual abuse of a girl in her home.  I had removed her from the home and placed her in temporary custody (typical and with supervisor approval) to complete the investigation.  During my investigation it was learned that the same girl was also making accusations of sexual abuse from another adult in the same household.  I was told to place the child back into custody of the alleged rapists without question, an environment that was deemed unsafe was now "magically" ok and no one could tell me why.  During this closed door meeting in which I was told to not have recording devices, I was told to, "do as I was told if I wanted to continue working there".  I was thoroughly perplexed.  I consulted my former professor, also a former prosecutor, and he reiterated the ethical obligation I had to the case.  I did not like confrontation or "rocking boats" but that dislike falls behind doing the right thing.  I asked questions in a very shy and reserved way but was continuously shot down, dismissed.   So, in doing what was right for the child I informed her CASA (court appointed special advocate) worker....which was also following procedure.  The next day I came to work and my office key didn't work, I was locked out of my computer.  I was fired.  I still wonder "why" to this day.  I was told by a supervisor that I "vehemently" ( I had to look that word up) disobeyed orders.  Huh?  I did what I could in informing who I could via letters and phone calls, eventually burning out and swearing to never work for a government agency again.  

I eventually moved back home and started working in manufacturing while earning my Master's Degree in Business Administration.  I love manufacturing.  It's fast paced, it can be cut throat, it's a great challenge.  I wore many hats in manufacturing.  Through my studies in the M.B.A. program I was learning of the Japanese automotive industry and various Quality Management Systems, absolutely fascinating stuff.  I love Quality Management Systems.  In working with automotive and in manufacturing I learned about the "5 Why" Root Cause Analysis.  Basically, when there is quality issue the manufacturer is notified and then they go through this "5Why" to find the root cause of the issue and to reduce or to cease the quality issue.  "Why" is literally asked until the root cause is found.  Yes!  I developed more skills and earned more certifications in manufacturing including Six Sigma Belt Training.  This enhanced my "Why" asking skills.  I was "5Why" - ing everything.  Why, why, why until the root cause was found and then resolved.  

Moving onto politics, I posed the "Why" questions.  Why are we spending money that we don't have for a project that is not needed?  I "why-ed" that all the way to discovering that the engineers were bribing the council and administration.  "Why" does the sewer/ waste water overflow so easily flow into the river during an average rainfall, I can literally see shit on the fence? "Why" did the police officers accept free gifts from businesses?  "Why" did we have an EMS that was sub-par and couldn't handle the most common complaint within the village which was heart problems? Why are drug charges pressed 54 days after an incident?  Why do deputies fabricate police reports? and so on and so on.  I asked "why" so much in politics that I quickly became disliked by those who had been in charge for decades, learning that they enjoyed their elected positions so much because they were paid and no one ever asked them, "Why".   After experiencing some trauma as a result of "asking too many questions" I was diagnosed with PTSD and experienced some health problems. Naturally (pun intended) I wanted to get healthier and not rely on a system that I now knew too much about and saw with my own eyes how corrupt and inept it was.  

And so I continue to ask, "Why" until I get to the root cause.  Why am I tired all the time, why am I anxious, why am I gaining weight, why do I have this lump in my breast?  In seeking out root causes with my health and seeking out practioners that will listen to me and will test for root causes, like the DUTCH hormone test, the HTMA test, the GI MAP test, I am discovering root causes that I can fix rather than treating symptoms.  It's not easy, I was told "just because" often and got many annoyed responses.    I look forward to sharing this journey in the future and even sharing my test results so that others can see and understand and maybe help others find their own root causes.  But, that's for down the road.  

Have you stopped asking, "why"? When did you stop asking, "why"?.  And when did it become a controversial thing to ask, "why"?.  Do you assume that authority figures know it all and trust them to guide you?  Do you follow authority figures/ medical professionals/ and the like even though your "gut instinct" feels uneasy?  I fairly recently worked with a guy for my training and my health.  His confidence and demeanor peaked my interest and he had years of "experience" .  After working with him for a few weeks, I realized he wasn't explaining why he was implementing certain things.  I also learned that his philosophy was "do I as say, don't ask questions" and when I heard that the red flags started to rise.  Without going into great detail, I stopped working with him.  I have since committed to not working with anyone in that capacity unless they can explain in great detail "why".  I have found someone that is able to answer all of my "why" questions in great detail and by using tests aka data to illustrate those explanations.  

I hope that I never lose my curiosity, my passion for learning "why".  "Understanding" is part of B.L.U.E. for a reason.  

💙May you Believe

💙May you Love

💙May you Understand

💙May you Empower