Blue's UnBashful Blog

Blue's UnBashful Blog

Tuesday, February 23, 2016

Learning to just be in 2016

The year started off with a football game in Arizona.  Me and the family took a trip out west to watch Notre Dame play in the Fiesta Bowl.  I desperately wanted time to myself, to heal and unwind, and to get back to a normal routine full of positive adventures.  In the past I put many things on hold when it wasn't convenient for me and each time I regretted it deeply.  So, I said "Yes".  I shy away from things when I don't feel like myself, especially when I've gained LOTS of weight and have nothing to wear.  I've learned that I miss out on a lot because of body image issues and I'm tired of it. 

The family and I had a really awesome trip to Arizona, despite an ND loss, germs, an overwhelming amount of flatulence on the airplane ride home, and fat clothes.  It was so great to create new memories with my family, to enjoy the sunshine, explore a new area, and to just be....where no one knows us.  
Upon return I tired to get into a routine but failed as I needed to just unwind and to just be.  I needed to just be, to just feel, to just go with the flow after years of spinning around on a merry go round.  Remember back to the days of recess when we carelessly spun around on the merry go round?  We stood up and felt out of balance and needed to wait for the dizziness to subside.  That's how I felt and how I still feel. The merry go round of fight or flight has stopped but I'm still a bit dizzy and working on getting my balance back. 

I took time off from managing apartments, well at least I tired. Of all things I got called for Jury Duty, though I didn't have to report it was a weight on my shoulders for many reasons.  I've watched a lot of television and have gone to they gym, practiced yoga, and so forth.  I haven't felt quite ready to get back into a routine.  My mind is screaming, "hurry up you type A perfectionist, time to get to training, time to lose that weight (so that everything else falls into place; because, god forbid I don't love myself unless my body image is on point).  But, my soul was screaming, "No, Just be.  Just feel what you are feeling, acknowledge it, accept it, and let it happen.  Do what you want  and what feels good to you".  So that is what I have been doing.  It has been like beginning a
meditation practice.  Sitting still and being mindful, being present, but having that itch to scratch.  It was quite the challenge, but it was a challenge and that is what I live for...challenges. 

This month I deactivated facebook for a bit and I really enjoyed it.  I truly feel that facebook is a major contributor to many issues in our culture these days, that is another blog post....or book.  I went to the Dropkick Murphy's concert with my brother, it was so much fun.  We had a limo so we didn't have to worry about driving and I felt safe because my BIG lil bro was with me.  Our family and friends honored and recognized my father at the Leadership Lorain County Difference Maker's Gala, a fun night dedicated to my amazing father. 

I've decided that I need to do more than deactivate facebook for a bit.  I need a "media blackout".  From Wednesday through Sunday I will be shutting everything off including email, internet, TV, texting, phone, etc.  I'm going to create a spa-filled, relaxing, disconnected holiday for myself.  It will include a juice cleanse, detox baths, massages, reading, meditating, exercising, yoga,  sleeping, and napping with no distractions.  I'll journal and it will be a sort of relaxing, planning, jump start to my spring of 2016.  In a perfect world I would travel to somewhere tropical with all of the above but I'm so close to a big financial goal that I've been striving for so I don't want to spend the bucks until I reach that goal, plus did I mention that nothing fits?!?  This is a happy medium and disconnecting from everything seems like a heavenly approach regardless of where I am located. 

Check back after I reconnect to see how it went!  I hope you're 2016 is going great.  With all of our technological "advances" don't forget to reconnect to yourself and the things that matter and to just be in 2016. 

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