Blue's UnBashful Blog

Blue's UnBashful Blog

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Kissing Bandit

Maybe it's because I'll be turning 30 this year or maybe it's because I've been noticing the plathora of wedding rings covering ring fingers everywhere I turn.  Maybe it's because everyone had been asking me who I'm dating, dated or want to date.  Ugh! Or maybe it's just because it is what it is.  In college I felt that I was in an era of women working and choosing career over family- for the time being at least.  I must have missed the memo that declared "coupling up" asap.  Don't get me wrong- I love my freedom and my independence but, I am finding myself lonely at times.  

I'm a very affectionate person, when I was younger and even still today, my family refers to me as the kissing bandit because I am so affectionate- I think the nickname means that I am obnoxiously affectionate at times.  I'm a cancerian and so I'm nurturing, loving, blah blah blah.  All joking aside, I truly love taking care of people and showing love.  Unfortunately this quality has been a problem in the past as I've been pulled towards guys that need to be taken care of- in the immature, had a bad relationship with my mother and want you to be my "mother"  in a subconscious sort of way, or I'm a loser and need you to do everything for me way.  Recently, this quality of mine cost me 3 torturous years in, what I'll call- a black hole.  I've never been good at quitting anything- even if it causes me more tears than smiles and more bruises than laughs.  Thankfully we all have breaking points.  Alas, I have spent months healing, moving on and well now, keeping my eyes open.  I've learned that loneliness is what you make of it; you don't have to show your love and feed your nurturing side in a negative way or feed a negative relationship or a negative habit for that matter- just because you love to love....and if that doesn't make any sense I'll explain.  

For some reason I always had the vision of sitting back and waiting and having prince charming come in and rescue me and sweep me off my feet, happily ever after, blah blah blah.  In waking up from that dream I realize that if you want something to happen, you have to make it happen.  Nothing will happen by doing nothing.  By that I mean, I'm not going to sit around and wait for prince charming to arrive on a white horse (a white Harley Road King would work too) and allow my love to waste away.  Life is too short and so I have discovered many other ways to feed my sometimes crabby, always nurturing, truly cancerian needs. 

There are many ways to kiss (or show affection/ love) without actually kissing.  By helping others or simple random acts of kindness is a great way to show affection.  Donating time, sometimes money, other times attention to causes is a great way to show the love.  I was feeling terribly lonely this morning and was in fact having a rather rough morning.  I went to an elementary school to read to a 2nd grade class and right away I felt so much better.  Are these things sounding overwhelming?  Well then starty by saying "Thank You", "Hello", "How are You", to someone, anyone, everyone! Take time to recognize others by saying these things and it is a way of showing your love.  Sharing a smile is in a way like a kiss- one person smiles and you smile back- or vice versa.  Smile more, kiss more!

Having a passion for something is a great source of showing love and giving nurture.  My passion is exercise and so I give my all to this passion and in return I feel better. When I'm exercising, I'm being affectionate to what I'm doing and to my passion. I can describe my passions as the following: Cycling is my soul- it soothes my inner beast and my crabbiness.  Running is my physical being- it gives me courage and confidence.  Swimming is my love- I feel free, calm, and at peace when I swim.  Yoga is my power- it recharges me and awakens my mind.  Pilates balances me while lifting weights gives me strength.  When I'm feeling lonely I can turn to any one of these passions and I no longer feel lonely, I become engulfed in the energies that comes with my passions.  Each pedal stroke, foot strike, high elbow, downward dog, hundred, and lift is a kiss to myself and to the universe.  With my passions I can kiss away without being hurt, rejected, or damaged and I certainly don't have to wait on any prince charming!

Often times people who are very caring and loving with no outlet for these emotions turn to bad relationships, sometimes they fuel bad habits like comforting themselves with food or sometimes drugs.  Many times the lack of loving turns to depression inward.  There are positive outlets and you can love without causing damage. 

And so, as I find myself day dreaming of prince charming- I cease such crazy thoughts on the spot and I turn on my inner kissing bandit and share kisses and kindess with others and I fuel my passions. 

Show your LOVE in many different ways, keep B.L.U.E. along the way, and absolutely always be TRUE to You!


p.s. I'm so grateful for my little dog, Bruiser- he's real cuddly and allows me to be nurturing :)  

1 comment:

  1. What a candid, heart-felt post full of beautiful sentiments - thank you for sharing it!