Blue's UnBashful Blog

Blue's UnBashful Blog

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

2010....In like a LION and out like a lamb

Well 2010 was an interesting  year to say the least.  It came in terribly- for some reason I allowed myself to continue a horrible relationship and I just about lost myself. Thankfully I finally hit a wall and had enough.

 Once I closed that 3 year chapter I felt relieved but I had a lot of issues once I started seeing clearly again.  I fought serious anger issues- anger at myself for allowing such negativity and abuse and of course anger at the sob.  I was fearful- jumping everytime the doorbell rang and always looking over my shoulder and I felt like I lost control of my life and of me.  In addition to some other set backs, the middle of 2010 was rough.

 Again, I finally hit a wall and said enough again, this time enough with the issues and trying to figure out the last 3 years. It is what it is and  It was time to move on and add this experience to the lessons learned list.  I did a lot of soul searching- a ton of reading and reaching out to my Buddhist/ spiritual beliefs.  I surronded myself with new, positive friends and started working on the inside as well as the outside. Shedding layers of negative emotions and thoughts.

 I'm grateful that one negative person was not only out of the picture, but was replaced with several, new, positive people and friendships. I still have a lot of work to do on both the inside and the outside but I can say that I'm on the right path now.  Everything truly does happen for a reason and in addition to that I believe there is cause and effect and Karma.  I will learn from my mistakes and try to offset them with many good, positive things.  And so I leave 2010 with peace and resolution, cool, calm and collected.  Out like a lamb.

I'm excited to start 2011-  I will be turing 30 years young and I've already planned some goals and adventures to satisfy my need for being challenged. I will continue to work on the inside and the outside, with an open heart and a clear mind.  I'm grateful that I'm able to learn - even though it maybe the hard way at least it's learned.   It's time I start opening up and letting life in and whatever will be will be.

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