Sour Caroline

Sour Caroline, bum bum bum. This one is negative folks, I gotta vent. Life is not all hippy dippy happy happy joy joy. The negative stuff matters, too. 

It feels like I have been in a negative vortex since the moronic, self- serving elitist government douche canoes shut us down for a man made virus. Miami wasn't great. I am not a city girl, not at all, not even a little bit. But I am a water girl and the ocean and the sand provided me with balance and helped ground me.  The lockdowns sparked my fear flame and ignited my government created PTS. With not many options and not knowing what the jackwagons were planning I pushed for us to move to the Lake Norman area sight (and sound) unseen (and unheard).  We moved into a disgusting and moldy apartment. Maybe there was some other stuff going on, too like radon?  I don't know it was awful. 

Shortly after we moved here we took our paddle boards out for a paddle on Lake Norman. It felt so weird to me, the water loving, self proclaimed mermaid. We paddled out and hung around on the board. Angelo jumped in and swam around which is exactly what I usually do in bodies of water. But I froze. I couldn't do it. Something did not feel right. I listened to my body and stayed dry but also very bummed. Long story short...Lake Norman has some creepy history first of all.  Second of all it's toxic A.F. surrounded by coal ash but I didn't realize that until we moved out of the moldy apartment in a rush (literally like a day) to this other apartment in Mooresville aka Race City aka Cancer Cluster.  I learned about the toxic coal ash and the water and the cancer clusters. Damn it. 

I was so focused on mold when I checked this place out I didn't hear the constant humming of 77.  Our windows face 77 and a little drive that leads into a private business, that people with modified, loud vehicles use it as a drag strip when I'm trying to sleep.  Apparently Fast and Furious is still cool and people like to drive like that are in it while  disturbing the peace.  It's awful for my nervous system, being startled regularly.  I need peace and quiet!  It has been negative after negative here in this cesspool of man made toxicity and I am desperate to move us out! The energy feels heavy and overwhelming for this sensitive empath. I have no energy, it's the weirdest thing. After desperately asking my acupuncturist what's wrong with me she asked a few questions about where I live.  Turns out that in Feng Shui, living near a highway, hospital, cemetery, cell tower are all negative things and give off negative energy and we are surrounded by them here in this energy vortex of an apartment here in Race City aka Cancer Cluster. 

I want to move. I want a house with a yard, I want roots so bad. I want us to settle down somewhere.  Alas we are renting because the housing prices are ridiculous. I am not paying $300,000 for a 2 bed, 1 bath, no garage, .25 of an acre built in 1955 with no upgrades.  Get out of here. So we are forced to pay $2,000 + for an apartment (which is almost as bad but without the commitment) because the apartment management companies know that they can charge an arm and leg.  It sucks so bad. I feel so ungrounded it is distracting me from other things like living and happiness.  With very little options I am choosing to surrender and trust in the universe to lead the way.  Trying to Believe, Love, Understand, Empower.....trying real hard.